(Fruit Basket fruits are making catcalling and admiring sounds)
Orange: Hey! Hey guys, what's so funny?
(Fruit Basket fruits are catalling and greeting)Orange: Hey! Hey, Apple!
Jalapeño: Are you talking to me? Hello, my orange friend.
Orange: Hey, Apple! How'd you get so skinny?
Green Apple: Hey, he's not an apple!
Clementine: Yeah, shut up, Orange.
Green Apple: It's okay.Go on, Chili Gordo.
Orange: (snickers) You called Apple "Gordo."
Jalapeño: Yes, yes she did. You see Orange, I have many names.
Orange: Like Apple.
Jalapeño: No, I am not an apple. My name is... Jalapeño.
(Fruit Basket fruits scream)
Clementine: He's so hot!
(Title card rolls in)
Orange: Hey, hey Gordo!
Jalapeño: Yes, my orange friend.
Orange: I thought you were hot.
Jalapeño: I am.
Orange: So why do they call you "chili"? (laughs)
Fruit Basket: Hey, shut up, Orange! You're being so stupid; stop it!
Orange: Geez, talk about a "bowl" movement. (laughs)
Peach: Mr. Jalapeño, I have this friend and like, she was wondering if you'd ever be interested in... in a peach?
Jalapeño: Interested? No.
Peach: (dissapointed) Oh...
Jalapeño: I would be more than interested. (Peach becomes happy) And please, tell your friend she looks quite lovely today.
(Fruit basket fruits are gasping and admiring)
Pear: Oh, my God. You are so smooth. Orange, did you see that? How does he do that?
Orange: Don't ask me. How am I supposed to "jalapeño"? (laughs)
Jalapeño: (chucles) Touché, Orange.
Jalapeño: You know Orange, you remind me of someone.
Clementine: Please don't say me. Please don't say me.
Jalapeño: Yes, you see, my friend, I wasn't always so smooth.
(there comes a flashback that shows a much younger Jalapeño)
Jalapeño: Hey, hey, Habanero, hey!
Jalapeño: Habanero, hey!
Jalapeño: Can you do this? ♪ Lalalalalalalalalalala ♪
Habanero: Hey, knock it off.
Jalapeño: ♪ Lalalalalalalalala ♪
Habanero: Knock it off!
(Jalapeño laughs and habanero goarns)
Jalapeño: Hey, Habanero.
Jalapeño: Habanero, hey!
Jalapeño: Knife. (Habanero gets cut in half and Jalapeño screams. Flashback ends)
Jalapeño: Ah, was I ever so young?
Peach: Aww, he's so deep.
Orange: Hey! Hey, Gordo.Do you want to hear me sing?
Jalapeño: Yes, very much.
Orange starts singing randomly and making tongue noises)
Orange: It's a showstopper.
Pear: Seriously dude, I'm not with him.
Jalapeño: Orange, you have no talent.
Orange: Geez, that's not smooth.
Jalapeño: But... you possess something more precious. You, my friend, are full of... pasión.
Orange: No, I'm not. That's just citrus.
Jalapeño: No. It is true. Pear: No, really, it's just citrus.
Jalapeño: Talent is a cheap call but for a man that wears too much plaid.
Orange: Hmm, I am pretty gassy.
Jalapeño: Do you think, without passion,I could do this? ♪ Fra-la-la-laaa ♪
(Green Apple weeps)
Jalapeño: ♪ Fraaa-la-la-laa ♪
(Fruit basket fruits are screaming/catcalling)
Starfruit: He's so beautiful!
Jalapeño: No, no, thank you. Thank you. Do you have any requests?
Pear: Oh, hey,do you know any show tunes?
Peach: Free Bird! Do Free Bird!
Orange: Ooh-ooh! Knife! Knife!
Jalapeño: Knife? I don't know that one.
Orange: No! Knife!
(Knife cuts Jalapeño's top off)
(Fruit basket fruits scream, this time in horror)
Orange: Chili Gordo!
Jalapeño: Amigo, you have cut me deeper than any woman I have ever met.
Orange: Actually, his name is Knife.
Jalapeño: Yes, and someday... he will come to us all.
Orange: Geez, that's kinda dark.
Jalapeño: And yet, there is still light.
Jalapeño: The burning light of passion;it is now in your hands.
Orange: But I don't have hands. I'm an orange.
Jalapeño: Nor do I. But yet, I'm still...
Jalapeño: (chuckles) Yes, my friend. I knew you wouldn't let me down. (Knife cuts him again) Ouch.
Orange: Thanks, Jalapeño.
Jalapeño: Keep the passion burning, Orange. Keep it burning. Ouch...